So there it was, 11:30 on Saturday night and I had yet to pack for my 7am departure to PANAMA CITY BEACH! As I was packing, I couldn't help but to not be a little excited about FUGE! I was trying to reason with myself about the things that could come out of this week and I just couldn't get past all of the junk that satan had clouded my head with in all the negative that could be there also..
I made it through the night with a few hours of sleep. It was finally 6:45 and I had just arrived to the church to see tons of youth everywhere and boom it clicked....12 HOURS OF RESTLESS TEENAGERS SURROUNDING ME! yay for the loads of excitement to come on the van. I can honestly say that once the trip had begun, the fun started as well. Between Reed hollering at the ones who were sleeping on the van, running to other vans and beating on windows at red lights, to hitting road cones and just talking for hours at a time, that this would be a long week.
The first night that we were there we didn't have worship and stuff because we were the only ones there for that night. I decided at that moment that I would put all of my negative thoughts behind me and just be happy for the things to come that week. The best was yet to come! I ended up with the most incredible bible study leader..Caroline was completely amazing! Bible study every morning was so much fun but, at the same time, it was a time where I absorbed so much from it. We were giving a piece of tin foil at one point and were asked to make or write one thing that we desire the most out for our lives..I was speechless for about 5 minutes. At this point in my life, I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I DESIRE THE MOST!!! While I was sitting in silence, I could feel the presence of God sitting this peace over me. It was unexplainable almost..but the thought that was in my mind was: God, You have given me soooo sooo much and yet I can't answer one simple question of what I desire the most out of my life. What a failure I am. I kept thinking and figured out what I would write. These simple yet difficult words have made such an impact in my life and here they are: an ABANDONED HEART.
So you read this and you think, "What?! That can't be that difficult..and what kind of answer is that to what do I desire most of out my life?" Some wrote a family and some wrote missionaries. There was no specific answer to this. I chose this simply because my God has called me to fully surrender! And in order for me to do that, I must have an abandoned heart. I must leave every one of my desires and my hopes and dreams at the foot of the cross. I choose NOW! I choose to let Him tear down these walls and barriers and rebuild something in me that only His desires fill, and only His hopes and dreams take over that void. I am choosing to allow a God size thing to happen in my life! How can we genuinely say that we are living for Christ and still live in a place in our own selfish, and self pleasing desires?! It's not possible. That is exactly why He tells us to surrender all! Let go of your fears, failures, and your dreams! Is it worth letting something like this pass you by? I was asked another question this week and I can't get it off of my mind.."How much are you willing to sacrifice for God?" This is deep. Real deep. God was willing to sacrifice His ONLY SON!!!!! He poured out His grace, and His forgiveness on the cross. We are so selfish! We can't even trust God with our lives and He created them! What does this TRUE SACRIFICE look like in our lives.. "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship."-Romans 12:1 But that's not all..Verse 2 is incredible! Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.-Romans 12:2 I don't understand why we refuse to trade in our JUNK for something as great as God's promise. God calls us to be the light of the world. When a light is not very bright, there is a lot of darkness. There are a lot of places to hide something without it being discovered. But as the light becomes brighter and brighter, darkness disappears. This is why He says we must walk out of darkness and into the light so that we will shine! We can't clearly see our sin until we have been fully exposed into a relationship with Christ! What will your defining moment be? Will it be getting really serious and getting down on your knees before the Master; because that's the only way you'll get on your feet.-James 4:7 I choose NOW! This is my KAIROS MOMENT. I chose to let my greatest desire be God and in that, I get an abandoned heart because the more I seek His will, the more my own desires fade away!
